Words

English grammar is...well, there's not one single adjective that seems to work.  After all, English is a mish-mash and hodge-podge of the Romance and Germanic languages, not to mention being a common tongue, trade language, and tourist language.  All of which means that for any given grammar rule, there is at least one exception. 

In fact, it can even be argued that American English and U.K. English are splitting into two different languages as the grammar continues to evolve.  For example, think about British speakers saying "haven't got" while American speakers say only "don't have" - there are two different contractions used, plus the additional word for two phrases with exactly the same usage.  As a second example, for Americans, when was the last time you used the past perfect tense correctly in daily conversation?  For most of us, we rely on Simple Past or Past Continuous to get us through without any worry about miscommunication, and it works just fine.

Which brings me back to English grammar being...confucked is a good word I think.

("Confucked" was coined by a college roommate who was having some problems with a girl.  He walked into the apartment one afternoon and said, "She has me so fucking confused I'm confucked".  It may not be the most proper of etymologies, but it works for me.)

In addition, English, like all languages, is constantly evolving and changing; especially as more and more people begin to speak it as a second or third language, local uses continue to arise.  Also, new words are coined, or more usually, borrowed from other languages on an almost daily basis.

Having said all that, there is one grammatical mis-step that annoys me to no end.  It is the use of "literally" when people actually mean "figuratively".  Example:  I literally died laughing.  Really?  When was your funeral and why are you here?

So.

A few weekends ago I was having coffee with some friends.  I forget exactly what I said but it involved the use of the word proverbial.  My friend looked at me and said, with gentle mocking, "is that really a proverb?"  As my comment had been somewhat profane, I had to admit that, in fact, it most likely was not a proverb.  

So, in the interest of linguistic harmony, I now propose the extended and repeated use of the words "idiomatically", "figuratively", and "expressionistically" to match phrases that are, in fact, well known idioms, figures of speech, or expressions.

I would like this to spread.  I would like to hear conversations on the street full of people saying things like "It was raining the idiomatic cats and dogs, you know?"  or "I figuratively stepped in dog poo at the office today" or even "Expressionistically speaking, it's going to be one of those days"

And the next time you hear someone say that they did something literally, stop them and point them to this post.

Thanks.